Today might be our favorite podcast we’ve recorded.
Not because we’re talking about sex (though we are).
Not because we’re talking about monogamy, marriage, or the daily tug-of-war between responsibility and intimacy (though we are).
But because we get to tell the truth.
About being satisfied… or unsatisfied.
About what it means to stay in a committed partnership without “consistent” sex.
About desire—how we’ve wanted it, feared it, buried it, resurrected it.
Because the truth is: when survival becomes the primary language in your relationship, pleasure is the first thing to go.
How We Got Here
Alex and I have always had a strong partnership.
But somewhere along the way of becoming parents, endless moves, and stressing about finances, we stopped prioritizing physical connection.
We stopped touching each other every time we walked in a room.
We stopped being honest about what we actually wanted.
And when sex slipped off the table (sometimes for weeks or even months at a time), I told myself that was normal. That we were just busy. Tired. Overwhelmed.
That we’d find our way back. Eventually.
Until one day, I looked at Alex and said:
“I will not live in a sexless marriage.”
And then proceeded to open up in a way I never had before.
And he listened. Without judgement or discomfort.
He didn’t deflect or defend.
And then he began to open up too.
And we realized it wasn’t just about sex.
(It never is.)
It was about the small ways we had stopped showing up for ourselves and each other.
It was about the deeper truths we were too scared to name.
It was about the parts of ourselves we kept hidden—even from each other.
So we did something radical.
We burned it all down and started over.
Here’s what we did:
First, we separated our bedrooms. We stopped pretending we had to share space to stay close.
We took sex off the table for six months. Not as punishment, but as a chance to date and please ourselves again.
We had a “come to Jesus” conversation. The kind where nothing is off limits. Where we held space for each other and did not judge anything.
We dealt with our own trauma. We raged. We sobbed. We got curious about what was still repressed, where we held resentments, and we let it move through us instead of turning away.
We came back together in an entirely new way. Not out of obligation—but from choice.
We forged a new intimate connection. And we started having sex nearly every day. Not because we should, but because we could. Because we wanted to. Because we had made enough space for desire again.
Where We Are Now
And now?
Now, we both feel more embodied than ever.
Now, our intimacy feels like a living, breathing thing—not something to maintain, but something to tend to.
This isn’t about frequency.
It’s about honesty.
Presence.
Truth.
If something in your relationship feels stuck, you don’t have to ignore it, repress it, or vent to your friends about it.
You can pause.
You can ask questions.
You can choose to do it all differently.
It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s relationship… because it’s yours.
On this week’s episode, we talk about where we lost our way… how we let it slip.
How we got it back.
And what it’s like now—on the other side of shame, silence, and survival.
In the presence of fun, pleasure, and play.
And if this makes you uncomfortable?
Good.
Ask yourself why.
What haven’t you told your partner… or yourself?
What are you pretending not to want?
It’s time to tell the truth.
When you stop pretending, you make space for the relationship you actually want.
So… what do you really want?
We’re here for it.
All of it.
Rea & Alex
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