Well, it seems we’re getting a little personal today. (Buckle up!)
We’ve been itching to release this episode. Mostly because we’re ready to bust some myths around having separate bedrooms and share why it’s been one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.
Why We Tried Separate Bedrooms
Alex and I have been together for 15 years. And while we have a pretty wonderful relationship, at some point between parenting, adulting, and trying to finish a conversation without one of us wandering off to make coffee, we hit a wall.
We weren’t fighting. We were just... stuck. The kind of stuck that makes you Google things like, “Can you get a divorce from your own exhaustion?” We loved each other, but we both needed a shift.
But here’s the thing: sleep divorce sounds like the kind of thing you hear about on a late-night infomercial—right between the spray-on hair and the diet pills.
But my parents, who have been married for 48 years, made the switch to separate bedrooms about eight years ago. And they’ve never been happier. It normalized this concept long before we ever thought it could work in our own marriage.
So, we asked ourselves: if it worked for them, why couldn’t it work for us?
What Happened When We Did
Here’s the truth: Sleep isn’t romantic. It’s essential.
I’m an early riser. Alex needs more sleep. I’m a light sleeper. He’s that guy who’s asleep before his head even hits the pillow while I stare at his back and secretly curse the fact that he can fall asleep so easily.
But this decision went way beyond sleep. Having our own spaces meant being in our own energy. It meant designing our rooms exactly how we wanted them. It meant not having to fight over closet space or argue about whether or not it’s normal to keep a weighted blanket on the bed. (It’s me. I love a good weighted blanket.)
It was freedom. And the freedom felt really, really good.
The sleep was amazing, sure. But the biggest surprise? How much more we actually wanted to be around each other. Turns out, absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
We went from being codependent to interdependent. It was like knocking over the first domino and watching a whole line of overdue change fall beautifully into place.
“Connection isn’t about constant proximity. It’s about space.”
We started to feel excited to see each other in the morning. We actually wanted to talk. I’d wake up before him, do my own thing, and by the time he stumbled into the kitchen, we’d catch up like we were at some cute little coffee shop date. But with pajamas and really, really good coffee.
The more we leaned into this experiment, the more we realized how much it was changing us. And it’s not because we were growing apart. It’s because we’d never been more aligned.
Would It Work For You?
I get that separate bedrooms in a healthy partnership sounds strange. Maybe even a little sad. But if you’re sleep-deprived, exhausted, or just craving a space of your own, we’re here to tell you: it’s okay. You’re not a terrible person for wanting your own space or night after night of actual rest.
Maybe you’re co-sleeping with kids and desperate for one night to yourself. Maybe your partner’s sleep habits are driving you a little nuts. Maybe you just want a room that feels like yours—one where you can leave all the lights on or read for two hours straight without anyone telling you they’re trying to sleep.
If any of that resonates, we recorded this episode just for you.
Here’s What We Cover:
The cultural myths around “sleep divorce” and why they’re mostly nonsense
The emotional layers of sharing a bed—touch, presence, pressure, performance
How choosing rest over proximity changed our intimacy
Practical ways to make this work (whether you sleep together or apart)
What we’ve learned about deeper connection by reclaiming our own spaces
We Want to Hear From You
Have you ever thought about trying separate bedrooms? Or have you already done it and feel like a whole new person?
We want to hear your experience. Because the more we talk about this, the more we normalize a conversation that can lead to truly great things.
Leave a comment or hit reply to this email and share your story. And if you’re ready to go deeper, make sure you’re subscribed to our $10/month paid content for more honest conversations, intentional strategies, and unconventional tools to help you reclaim your space.
Can’t wait to hear what you think.
Rea & Alex
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